Hope for those suffering
from the Dreaded “D”
Are you being beaten over the head because of a divorce? I want to offer a note of
encouragement for those who have been pressed into a divorce. I intentionally use
the word “pressed” because no one in his or her right mind wants a divorce.
However, many of us find ourselves with no other option. I have gone through that
heart-wrenching experience and have learned a few things that I would like to pass
on.

I’ve discovered over the years that many who call themselves “Christians” are
more tolerant of a murderer, prostitute or drug pusher, who became a Christian,
than they are with a believer who has been divorced. This is especially true if you’
re called to the pulpit ministry. However, the divorce rate for Christians is now
matching that of the rest of America (50%). Unfortunately, the ranks of those in
the church that have experienced divorce are swelling. Fortunately, though, the
tolerance of many churches is growing as well. It’s sad to admit that for many,
even in Christian homes, marriage has become a battlefield. It doesn’t make it
right but that’s just the way it is. Nevertheless I have good news for those of us
who are survivors of the dreaded “D”.

Let me begin with a statement that may startle you. Did you know that God is
divorced? It’s true! “I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her
away because of all her adulteries.” (Jer. 3:8a) Yet someone might say, “How can
this be? Didn’t God say in Malachi 2:16, ‘I hate divorce.’?” You’re absolutely
right. God does hate divorce.

I believe that the main reason for His distain for divorce is more personal than
theological. Let me explain.

God desires that marriage be a perfect picture of the marriage-like relationship
that He wants with us. The church is even called the bride of Christ. (Rev. 21:9)
So, God meant marriage to be a beautiful earthly representation of a Heavenly
covenant. When both parties in a marriage walk in obedience to God’s Word
concerning the rolls of husband and wife, the relationship that they enjoy correctly
representative of the relationship between God and the believer. So, for that
reason divorce goes against God’s grain in the worst possible way.

He was looked down on and passed over, a man who suffered, who knew pain
firsthand. One look at him and people turned away. We looked down on him, thought
he was scum.
(Isa. 53:3)  

However, there is another reason why God hates divorce and this reason is purely
on a personal basis. (Note: It’s amazing how many have missed this elemental
truth.) You see, no one hates divorce more than one who has experienced divorce.
God has been there, done that. He may not have a T-shirt, but He certainly has the
scars! Like us, our LORD has experienced rejection. (Matt. 23:37) He’s acquainted
with the sorrow divorce brings. He has personally suffered sorrow and heartbreak.
Furthermore, God knows what it’s like to be treated with disrespect and
unkindness by someone you gave your love to. (Isa. 53:3) And friend, God hates
it!!! In fact, He loathes divorce!

Finally, I want to hopefully clear up a common error that Christians make about
adultery. Many have gone through divorces for reasons other than marital
infidelity. Nevertheless, they have had to lug around much of the same divorce-
type baggage that the victims of an unfaithful spouse have had to carry. They also
experienced the same sensation of personal loss and separation. They’ve had to
deal with the same feelings of guilt and a sense of displacement, as well as a
kaleidoscope of other dark emotions.

Maybe the divorce wasn’t over one of the spouses committing adultery through a
sexual encounter with someone other than their marriage partner. However, one
can still be guilty of unfaithfulness even without a sexual encounter. You see,
there are other ways of dishonoring your marriage vows. Many have suffered
physical, mental, and emotional abuse in their marriage. One can dishonor one’s
marriage vows with emotional and verbal abuse as well and do so to a point that is
beyond toleration. This is anther form of unfaithfulness.

I’ve been there. I know the damage that someone you love can do to your heart
and mind. In addition, I’ve found that too often the emotional damage remains
long after the physical scars have faded. When you open your arms to someone
you expose your heart. Jesus opened His arms, exposing His heart and what did
the people that Jesus loved do? They took His open arms and nailed them to a
cross. Then they pierced Jesus’ loving heart with a spear.

My point is simple. You may have been divorced. As a result, you have been
singled out and, at times, face ridicule. Perhaps you’ve been rebuked by some well-
meaning-but-misinformed church leader or church member because your divorce
wasn’t on the grounds of what they considered adultery. But bear this in mind, my
friend, adultery takes many forms. One is not only unfaithful sexually; one can
also be unfaithful emotionally and spiritually. One can break one’s marriage vows
in other ways other than through a sexual betrayal.

God sees unfaithfulness differently from you and me. The Bible makes it clear
that we can sin in our hearts and mind as well as physically. For to God, be it in
the mind or in the bed, it’s all the same. (Matt. 5:28)  As the expression goes, “In
the head or in the bed, it’s all the same.” So, your spouse can be unfaithful to you
by abusing the vows you each made before God, the minister, and the witnesses.
You can be abused by a spouse mentally or emotionally, as well as physically. In
God’s eyes it’s all the same.

So, don’t give into condemnation from those who don’t really know what they’re
talking about. (Rom. 8:1) It’s easy to be an armchair quarterback. It’s simple to
sit in judgment of someone and to do so purely on an academic basis. If on
occasion someone does point a finger at you, simply say this to them, “If you
haven’t walked in my shoes don’t tell me how to wear them. Furthermore, if you
think my shoes are dirty, well consider this. You don’t know how messy the path
was that I was forced to tread on. What’s more, don’t act so self-righteous.
Because, life is such that you too may one day be forced to walk that same path.”

I wouldn’t wish divorce on anyone. It’s a raging beast that maims people and
devours homes. Divorce is a bloody battle where everyone involved becomes a
casualty of war. No one wins in a divorce. Plus, keep in mind that the dreaded “D”
can happen to the best of us. That’s just life!

Life can be a cowardly dog. When you least expect, it can sneak up behind you and
take a huge hunk out of you leaving you hurt and scarred. So, in the words of the
Apostle Peter, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around
like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (1Pe.5:8) Paul also warns, “Be
on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.” (1Cor. 16:
13)

Be of good cheer my friend, and don’t give in to the emotional bondage that
divorce can bring. Remember these wonderful words of Jesus, “I have told you
these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have
trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  (Jn.16: 33)   

                 God wants nothing more from you right now
                        Than for you to understand His heart
                          Calm all the whispers in your head
                                   Just be still
                                       Listen
                                    You will hear

                  Echoing from deep inside He believes in you
                         And all the dreams you dream of
                            Every hope and prayer you lean on
                                 He will see them through
                                      And know that day
                             Is waiting just beyond tomorrow
                                         I know it’s true
                             It’s because in you He believes

                   “Why?” is probably what you’ve asked yourself.
                     The answer to your question won’t make sense
                            God, He didn’t come to lift the proud
                        But for the least, the forgotten and the lost
                                  Even when it’s hard to receive

                         ‘Cause He made you for greater things
                              He believes in you no matter
                            No matter how you see yourself
                            Hold on to the unchanging heart
                                        Heart of God  

(
He Believes In You by Aaron Benward from his album, Imagine)
Did you know that
God is divorced?
God desires that
marriage be a perfect
picture of the
marriage-like
relationship that He
wants with us.
One can still be
guilty of
unfaithfulness even
without a sexual
encounter.
Life can be a
cowardly dog.
When you least
expect, it can
sneak up behind
you and take a
huge hunk out of
you leaving you
hurt and scarred.
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